Reflections on motherhood, academic life and the beauty of becoming.

This blog was supposed to be teaching you “How to Present a Paper at Your First Academic Conference”. Actually, I had quite a few other things I intended to do, such as prepare a research paper for publication and share more about the research that brought me to the University of Edinburgh in the first place. But here we are. My final blog as the SGSAH Blogger in Residence, and that research blog is still waiting to be written.

Perhaps that is because there is something else worth sharing about this season of my life, something I have hinted at in previous blogs but want to share more openly now.

I found out I was pregnant just three weeks after starting my PhD this year! Thanks to an SGSAH Year 1 event in Stirling, where I realised I wasn’t feeling well, I soon discovered that I was about to embark on two unfamiliar journeys concurrently.

Now, you may be thinking, “Well, Olivia, being a mom ain’t new to you, so what was so unfamiliar about it?”

Fair question!

I already had two boys, but as I shared in the blog titled ‘ The Part of the PhD Journey, I Did Not Say Out Loud‘, I was here in Scotland ALONE. So navigating life in a new country, beginning a PhD and discovering I was pregnant was definitely not on my bingo card for 2026! Yet here we are, almost eleven months later, and I am now a mother of three.

Three boys to that. Five years old, three years old and a newborn. And somewhere in the middle of all of that, I am PhDing.

A few weeks ago, I shared this on Threads:

That pretty much sums up my life these days!

I am tired, and I am pretty sure you are too, even if you aren’t a parent. This academic journey requires a level of intellectual engagement that can be exhausting. Even with all the time-management tools, and carefully planned schedules, there are days when life seems to be moving faster than we can keep up.

And sometimes, we just need to REST!

As I return to my studies following maternity leave, I have become even more intentional about rest. Not simply because I need to recover from childbirth, but because rest is non-negotiable if I am going to function well in any of my roles. And that applies to our academic pursuits too. Don’t wait until you are completely burnt out to realise that you need to rest. By then, recovery may require much more than a good night’s sleep. Now, I take this particularly seriously because I am fully embracing the advice to “sleep when the baby sleeps“. Because really, when else am I supposed to sleep? Definitely not when he’s awake! So I say to you, sleep when the world sleeps! Because when else are you going to sleep? Certainly not when you’re scheduled to be in your supervisory meeting. LOL!

My point is, make rest part of your schedule and actually honour that commitment.

Yet, even with the tiredness, I am experiencing one of the most beautiful seasons of my life. And I suspect many of you can relate. Sometimes the very journey we prayed for is the one that stretches us in ways we never anticipated. For me, I am basking in this newborn bubble, enjoying the privilege of mothering my three boys while reading, writing and thinking about matters of my heart. After all, my PhD is my other baby, oh perhaps I should have named my baby – Thesis!

And guess what? I don’t have to choose between the two. I am capable of doing both. I am doing both, and I am happy with that.

It’s Not About Balance

One thing I’ve learnt is that parenting and PhDing are not necessarily about achieving some perfect balance. For me, it is about INTENTIONALITY and PRIORITY.

There are days when my children require more of me, and there are days when my academic work must take priority. While preparing my book chapter and conference presentation during these first two months postpartum, there were moments when I had to close the door and tell my boys that Mama needed time to work. Just as there are days when I close the laptop, leave the reading for another day and spend time with my children.

And that’s okay!

Not everything on your to-do list will be accomplished every day, and you have to learn to be comfortable with that. Protect your rest, your family time and the moments you need to think and write. Not every hour has to be accounted for by some measurable achievement.

This is something I am learning myself.

Coming from the fast-paced world of activism and NGO leadership, where everything can feel urgent, I am discovering that academia requires a different kind of engagement. Through conversations with my supervisors, I am learning to appreciate the value of slowing down and thinking purposefully. Interestingly, maternity leave has given me space to do just that. Being present with my newborn hasn’t disconnected me from my intellectual development. Quite the opposite! Slowing down has allowed me to engage with my ideas differently, something I hadn’t anticipated but have found incredibly fulfilling.

So yes, I am progressing, perhaps a little more slowly than I initially imagined, but slow does not mean behind. And the more I reflect on this, the more I recognise how motherhood is shaping the academic I am becoming.

My PhD research explores how Black Jamaican women survivors of gender-based violence understand and use faith, spiritual and religious practices in relation to their mental health and healing. So, while my experiences are different from those of the women whose lives I hope to understand, motherhood has made me even more attentive to how our everyday responsibilities and circumstances shape our experiences of the world.

I am discovering that being a mother does not take away from my intellectual development. In fact, I believe it is making me a better academic. Because the reality is, I don’t stop being a mother when I walk into New College, just as I don’t stop being a researcher when I return home to my children. I am still Olivia, and I want to embrace every part of who I am becoming.

But embracing all these parts of ourselves doesn’t mean we have to navigate everything alone.

Please, Inconvenience Your Friends!

If there is one thing I would encourage anyone considering this journey to think seriously about, it is the people you have around you.

Having a partner who is genuinely invested in the journey makes an enormous difference. I am grateful that my husband is walking this journey with me. But even with a supportive partner, you need community beyond your household.nI often tell my husband that it’s okay to bother our friends and it’s okay for them to bother us. In fact, I think we need to inconvenience each other a little more! I don’t know when we became so concerned about being a burden that we stopped asking people for help. Sometimes people genuinely want to show up for us, but we haven’t made the space for them to do so because we simply refuse to ask.

And this isn’t just about parenting.

How many of us are sitting in academic spaces trying to figure everything out ALONE? Why haven’t we sought mentorship, connected with other researchers or asked someone who has already walked the journey for guidance? Particularly for me, studying and parenting in a country away from my usual support networks has reinforced the importance of being intentional about the relationships I build. Community requires us to show up for others, but it also requires us to allow others to show up for us. We were never meant to navigate everything alone, and there is no prize for exhausting ourselves trying. And while we are talking about showing up for one another, can we also talk about how we make room for parents and caregivers in academic spaces?

See Me, All of Me!

Sometimes, when I enter academic spaces, conversations quickly turn to my pregnancy, my baby or how I am managing motherhood. Don’t get me wrong, I genuinely appreciate the care and interest. But there are moments when I want to say, “Yes, I’m a mother, but can we talk about my research?” Because I am also in that room to engage intellectually. I have ideas and questions I want to share.

And I think this is something we need to be more mindful of. Sometimes, an academic event is precisely the space where a parent gets to engage with their intellectual interests beyond the everyday demands of caregiving. So while it is important to acknowledge that someone is a parent, let’s not make that the only thing we see. At the same time, I shouldn’t have to pretend that motherhood doesn’t exist just to participate in academic life. And this is something I have appreciated tremendously about spaces such as SGSAH and the Stuart Hall Foundation. I have been able to participate in events with my newborn, contribute to discussions while navigating family responsibilities and occasionally say, “You’re probably going to hear my children in the background.”

And I don’t have to apologise for that!

I wasn’t excluded from the conversation because I had a baby, and I didn’t have to leave an important part of myself at the door to participate. For me, that is what meaningful inclusion looks like. Not simply welcoming people into a room, but making it possible for them to participate as they are, while recognising the knowledge and contributions they bring.

Because surely, if academic spaces are committed to inclusion, they must also make room for the whole person.

The Beauty of Becoming

As I conclude my time as the SGSAH Blogger in Residence, I can’t help but reflect on how much this opportunity has meant to me. When I started this journey, I had ideas about what I would write and what I would accomplish. Well, as you’ve probably gathered by now, not everything went according to plan!

But that is part of the beauty of becoming, isn’t it?

In many ways, motherhood and doctoral research have more in common than I initially realised. Neither comes with a complete manual, and both require us to learn as we go. There are moments when we feel confident about what we’re doing and others when we realise just how much we still have to learn.

And that’s okay too.

If there is anything I hope another parent, caregiver or aspiring researcher takes from this reflection, it is that you don’t necessarily have to choose one dream at the expense of another. The journey may look different, the pace may change, and whilst that might take some getting used to, there is room to embrace the different parts of who you are and who you are becoming.

I have absolutely loved my time as the SGSAH Blogger in Residence. It has given me an opportunity to write beyond the conventional expectations of academia, reflect on my experiences and share parts of me, especially what I have been learning along the way.

To everyone who has read, engaged with or shared my writing over these past months, thank you!

So, while I may be leaving this role, I am still here.

Still parenting. Still PhDing. Still learning.

And enjoying the beauty of becoming both.

Oh, and that research blog? I’ll be sharing it on my Substack. Eventually! LOL!